I managed, with some help from family, friends and prayer, to get both bedrooms cleaned and ready for my guests. The office now has a bed in it, and both are made and comfy for a welcoming stay. My houseguests arrived this afternoon, following a multi-day road trip to get here, and M.A.’s sweet son said “I can’t believe we’re finally back in Fayetteville!” Such a sweetheart. We’re all happy he’s back, too!
What I realized this week was that the true project wasn’t simply getting the rooms ready for them, although it needed to be done, and was quite a lot of work. No, the true project was getting myself ready to share my house with other people. I knew that my persnikity-ness was a barrier to happiness in my life. I like things quiet, and I like to do things a certain way, and I like my schedule. But someone can have things in their home exactly as they want them, and still be completely isolated and lonely and unhappy in their life. I wouldn’t say that I have been “completely unhappy” but I have certainly been isolated and lonely.
This past week, I was really getting ready to open myself up to living with other people again and engage in relationships with people in very close quarters. What I realized was that I had a lot of fear of rejection and abandonment. I know where it comes from, but couldn’t explain to myself why I felt those fears in this situation. Now I understand that I don’t want to be overbearing or rigid in my interactions with my houseguests just so that I can keep things the way I want them. I want so badly not to offend them and force them to feel unwelcomed, or uncomfortable and feel like they can’t live here. I don’t like things in my life the way they are, and that’s why I’m attempting this whole project.
So in short, the rooms were transformed this past week, and I made progress in my own transformation. The rooms in my brain and heart are also being rearranged and the long held beliefs about how things “should be” are being swept out. I feel very good about this new, on-going project and have high hopes for a great summer with our guests.