I have been working on a post that I had planned to publish tomorrow about my plans for the weekend. Yesterday, LK called and asked if he could possibly have Jack for two days this weekend so that he could take him out of the state to visit his family. In asking, he told me about the nearest hospital to his family’s home, the name of the pediatric cardiologist and the plan for Jack should anything happen. I was stunned by his preparation and said I’d think about it but didn’t see any reason that I couldn’t trust him to protect Jack for two days.
This afternoon, LK called to discuss the settlement agreement and stunned me with a 90 minute conversation in which he was gracious, respectful and appreciative of all I have done to raise Jack alone. He explained why his heart has changed and he has been so involved lately, when in the beginning he couldn’t be. I have been wondering about many of the things he told me for a long time and was unable to trust his motivations without the information he shared. He convinced me that his feelings towards Jack were real.
I had begun to plan a weekend getaway for myself and was trying to decide between a “staycation” or a four star spa visit. I was preparing myself to miss Jack terribly but enjoy my time alone to relax and recuperate after two years of full-time mommying. I was preparing to have some me time.
But tonight, LK informed me, after I refused to remove the “moral’s clause” in the papers (which prohibits overnight guests of the opposite sex) that he’d like to talk to me about something. He’s “met someone” and he’d like to take her with him and Jack to visit his family this weekend. She has met Jack once before but never stayed overnight and has been completely respectful of the situation and supported and encouraged LK to increase his commitment to Jack.
There is a lot of other information that I could include here, but suffice it to say, he was incredibly sensitive to my feelings and understood that his allowing them to meet in the past was a mistake without having told me. He wants to have an honest relationship moving forward so that we can best co-parent.
She’s a “great person who would be safe and helpful around Jack” and LK would like us to meet before this weekend. He understands that allowing her around Jack without my consent is a bad idea and disrespectful.
I was going to publish a post tomorrow about my weekend plans and my growth in moving towards alone time. Instead, I’m meeting her. So I guess I’ll be growing a whole lot more than I thought. I’m not feeling sad. Not mad. Not sure what I’m feeling. I don’t have any anger towards her and only hope that she is a good person and good to Jack. And I’m not mad at LK. I want him to be happy. And I want Jack to be happy. And I want to be happy.
Hmmm. So this week I have a project that I didn’t plan on, but I think it could help me move towards happiness. Or I will be in prison tomorrow night. Do they let prisoners blog? We’ll see…
Confused and hopeful,